day 2 of trying to erasing him.
haha.. his imprint is still here, deep printed in my heart :)
i learned how to erase someone who was written in my heart, but i still dont know how to erase someone who was embossed in my heart...
the eraser wont work :)
i think i have to find another way?
well, if it's the only way...
it was his egoistic decision, but, oh well... i appreciate it :)
even tho it hurts...
not denying, i still like him, i seemed depressed but oh well, isn't it the way i suppose to feel right now? i dont even know myself...
i miss him.
i'll miss the way he talk...
i'll miss, missing him..
i'll miss calling him during passing period...
i'll miss waiting him online during the day...
the way he laugh, the way he 'despo'...
the way he's being like extraordinarily childish in front me...
the way he misses me...
i'll miss the time we spent, the memory, the 'apple', the cards, the love....

CRACK!! ACK!!!
do you hear that? that's the sound of a breaking heart. a heartache.
i don't know what's left out of it.. but it hurts... it'll take time to heal... and i knew that...
i'll try not to think about him anymore :)
even though i still am waiting him online sometimes, without even realizing...
sad and pathetic, desperate also? aren't i?
i feel bad for myself..
being desperate over someone who dumped me... isn't it feel stupid?
yeah... it's just too hard... but i'll get over it, EVENTUALLY...

The way i trust a guy may change now, since i trusted him, and had faith in him, and he broke it.. just like that.. it will be hard to find the next one.. since i hope i wont be as stupid as i am now... yeah... i have no clue now... i dont really know where's my life going.. since im still 15 and have the whole world to explore...
and yet, i am still a kid...

I lied a lot lately...
people who cares says, "are you okay now tho?"
--"yeah, i am now, all better..." [no, i lied, i maybe am better, but i'm not okay]

mommy says, "makan cehh"
--"gakk, gakk laper tdi mkn di skula..." [no, once again i lied, i might ate a little at skul, but i was hungry, i just didnt feel like eating.. i lost my appetite... even for chocolate..]

people around me asks, "OMG< wud happen to your cheek?"
--"ow, i got in a fight yesterday, this girl was pissing me off asdfasfasdfasfd" [i lied, nobody actually believes in this one reason tho]
--"it's a hiki, my boyfriend bit me yesterday" [nope, i lied, again, i officially a single and i have never been kissed by anyone before.. my lips are still virgin :), none actually believes in this one either, i seemed to be a good girl in front of them, the type that wont have a boyfriend, that's a nerd, and rule followers]
>>it was an m&m accident <- real reasons <- none believes in this either...
i guess none will ever believes what ever happened to it anyway... no need to explain...

best friends say, "just forget him.. he's nobody to hurt you, he doesn't even worth to be cried of"
--"yeahh,, i kno.. i will... eventually forget him" [no, i lied, it will gone eventually, but i wont be able to forget him, i was a fool in love and still am, i still like the way he used to care about me, too bad it's ended... but i dont want to completely forget about him.. wanna keep a piece of the memory... for me, for me to cry of.. to remind me of the one i used to love... and for me, he worth the tears.. probably he's actually NOT, but i thought he is... he was a good boyfriend after all, he just disappoint me, big time, in the end...]

writing and crying has always been my place to be alone and just feel and throw out what ever i feel... so, this is the way i write, i dont write often, just when i feel down, when i feel like the world is laughing at me, when nobody's care... this is the true feelings out of my strong shell.. my true weak self... that nobody should known of.... that's me, always try to look happy and strong, when im not...
im a weird person.

i dont know what else to say.. i have so much time to spend, i dont want to be doing nothing and feeling down anymore.. i have to get something to do...
then so, i write.

wish me the best.
and i hope i'll heal ASAP :)