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la.chica
mischelle .mei. lost in love and i don't know much innocent love 16 currently in luv If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.
ANS chinesse bLooD//indo born




Welcome to marshangel.blogspot.com
Tuesday, May 29, 2007Y
[meii will SURVIVE!!] yeahh!! :]

I'll be right here waiting for you
[Brian Adams]
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever


Chorus:
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you


I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can't you see it baby,
You've got me going crazy

Chorus

I wonder how we can survive, this romance
But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance

Oh you can't see it baby
You've got me going crazy

Chorus

awww....
ini lagu bikin ngenang bgd.... hixzu hixzu.... knapa ini terkesan gak mungkin ya? penantian... aww... penantian yg gak pasti, adakah yg sanggup untuk menunggu? mungkinkah cinta akan kuat? the misery of love no one knows the answer.
i just have to wait? arent i?

owww.. this song makes me so strong :]

I Will Survive
[Cake]
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking I could never live without you
By my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you've done me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you
Here without that look upon your face
I should have changed my f*cking lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Well now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around
Now, you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh not I,

I will survive

Yeah
As Long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive,
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry,
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person
Still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone whose lovin' me


Well now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around
Now, you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumple?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh not I,

I will survive
Yeah
As long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive,
I will survive
Yeah, yeah
Oh no

it made me realize that he's not the only one in this world :]
there's still *you* out there, waiting for our rendezvous *gyaaahahahhahaa big words* (baca: pertemuan)
huff~
who's he'll be... no body know, i'll be waiting..
for my prince charm to come :]

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ends at 10:34 PM

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Monday, May 28, 2007Y
The Other Day.

im not actually counting days anymore. im getting better, actually.
i can smile and laugh more eventually.
i dont even think about him that often anymore.

i just woke up.
i had a dream last night.
he was on my dream.
the dream was kinda random, but it made sense for some reasons.
i was dreaming that me and him met in YM again (which haven't happened for the last couple of days, i was being a pig, snoring the whole day....). talked about whatever i wanted from Japan.
he told me that he couldn't find any *couple cell phone charm* and also couldn't get the *love 'jimat'*
then, i asked for sumting different, i said that i'd like a *cute japaness-dy doll* and a *tote bag*
but, what made me confused was the fact that he was such in a huge rush, im not sure whether he was listening or not.
i rarely remember any of my dreams, except if it really is the weird one.
this one is really unusual.
i actually wanna meet him in YM and talk about the stuff i want from Japan. Im not sure whether he's willing to get me those of not. but it worth the try. :D *big evil grin*

i don't know why i dreamed about him last night. weird. awkward. but it happened.
wait...
is it becoz i miss him so much?
or becoz something else?
anyway, i just realize that,
i kinda like him MORE than i thought i was.
i seemed desperate, but i dont care
lol....

[no other words...]

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Saturday, May 26, 2007Y
Day 5. Day 6.

kmaren ketiduran gak sempet ngepost.
nothing much.

Day 5. Day 6. FACTS.
*nothing much, as i said b4.
*not as depressed.
*not as sad.

being friend is not that bad after all.
it kind'a help the healing process :)
and i kinda like the way we're back to old life. being best friends. as before.
it's kinda weird when we're not even that far apart as the broken up people do usually. we kinda back to normal, seems like nothing happened. well, it's a good thing, isnt it?
anyway.
kmaren nykp bilank
"ceh, udah hepi lg km, bebrapa hr ini sedih terus"
"iia duuun :D [big griin]"
"napa? dah baekan?"
"gq dah putus, tp yahh giitu de :D"
.end of conversation"
not so bad, isnt it?

i lost my fave blue pen. MAD. ARGHH!!
blog is being too "english-y" and too "formal-y written" lol
eniwey...

nothing else to say. period.

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Friday, May 25, 2007Y
Day 4.

Day 4 facts.
*i still cried.
*he called, it's getting weird.
*still hoping? i guess.
*still not letting go. for sure.
*didn't wear black because i was late.
*still act like a LOVE FOOL.
*the decision was made but i can't accept it what so ever.

he decided to let me find another guy.
i decided just to be friends. best friend.
i dont know whether it will work out or not, since it'll feel awkward.
but i'll try.
i used to lost both best friend and my lover at once. so now i try to keep one side of him.
my best friend, he is (:
i dont know whether will we be as close as we used to or not.
i wish we will. even though it might be awkward in the beginning.
but i wish it'll heal, by time.

yes. indeed it will hurt. i know that it'll heal by time. i just can't figured out how long.
the faster. the better.
we'll see as the time goes.

one thing.
now, cupu couplez will never unite. or will us?
let the time answer.

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Thursday, May 24, 2007Y
Day 3.

Day 3 facts.
*i still cried, even tho it wasn't that bad.
*still misses him.
*still act like a love FOOL.
*still waiting.
*still has no decision.
*still confusing.

AIIOOO.... kapan selesei ini stress kayak gini?! cape'dee.... lalalala kukuku....
msh gak jlz pula sampe kpn gw harus nunggu dy punya fixed decision...
yang jelas gw gak bakal nunggu selamanya --" swt bgd
ato sampe gw nunggu orang yg isa ngeganti dy di hati gw...
one thing. not gonna happen. bayangin aja, suru nunggu dy, nge keep perasaan dy, tp suru nyari pengganti @_@ swt, MANA BISA... gw ini kan setia. alah2 --"
intinya begitu.
toh klo ntar dy makan waktu lama2, taw2 filing gw udah mati lg --"
bukan salah gw.
as long as dy gak jadiin gw ban serep, gw rasa, ada kemungkinan gw terima dy balik.. tapi yah oh well.. HAHAHHA :D

end of story. period.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007Y
Day 2.

day 2 of trying to erasing him.
haha.. his imprint is still here, deep printed in my heart :)
i learned how to erase someone who was written in my heart, but i still dont know how to erase someone who was embossed in my heart...
the eraser wont work :)
i think i have to find another way?
well, if it's the only way...
it was his egoistic decision, but, oh well... i appreciate it :)
even tho it hurts...
not denying, i still like him, i seemed depressed but oh well, isn't it the way i suppose to feel right now? i dont even know myself...
i miss him.
i'll miss the way he talk...
i'll miss, missing him..
i'll miss calling him during passing period...
i'll miss waiting him online during the day...
the way he laugh, the way he 'despo'...
the way he's being like extraordinarily childish in front me...
the way he misses me...
i'll miss the time we spent, the memory, the 'apple', the cards, the love....

CRACK!! ACK!!!
do you hear that? that's the sound of a breaking heart. a heartache.
i don't know what's left out of it.. but it hurts... it'll take time to heal... and i knew that...
i'll try not to think about him anymore :)
even though i still am waiting him online sometimes, without even realizing...
sad and pathetic, desperate also? aren't i?
i feel bad for myself..
being desperate over someone who dumped me... isn't it feel stupid?
yeah... it's just too hard... but i'll get over it, EVENTUALLY...

The way i trust a guy may change now, since i trusted him, and had faith in him, and he broke it.. just like that.. it will be hard to find the next one.. since i hope i wont be as stupid as i am now... yeah... i have no clue now... i dont really know where's my life going.. since im still 15 and have the whole world to explore...
and yet, i am still a kid...

I lied a lot lately...
people who cares says, "are you okay now tho?"
--"yeah, i am now, all better..." [no, i lied, i maybe am better, but i'm not okay]

mommy says, "makan cehh"
--"gakk, gakk laper tdi mkn di skula..." [no, once again i lied, i might ate a little at skul, but i was hungry, i just didnt feel like eating.. i lost my appetite... even for chocolate..]

people around me asks, "OMG< wud happen to your cheek?"
--"ow, i got in a fight yesterday, this girl was pissing me off asdfasfasdfasfd" [i lied, nobody actually believes in this one reason tho]
--"it's a hiki, my boyfriend bit me yesterday" [nope, i lied, again, i officially a single and i have never been kissed by anyone before.. my lips are still virgin :), none actually believes in this one either, i seemed to be a good girl in front of them, the type that wont have a boyfriend, that's a nerd, and rule followers]
>>it was an m&m accident <- real reasons <- none believes in this either...
i guess none will ever believes what ever happened to it anyway... no need to explain...

best friends say, "just forget him.. he's nobody to hurt you, he doesn't even worth to be cried of"
--"yeahh,, i kno.. i will... eventually forget him" [no, i lied, it will gone eventually, but i wont be able to forget him, i was a fool in love and still am, i still like the way he used to care about me, too bad it's ended... but i dont want to completely forget about him.. wanna keep a piece of the memory... for me, for me to cry of.. to remind me of the one i used to love... and for me, he worth the tears.. probably he's actually NOT, but i thought he is... he was a good boyfriend after all, he just disappoint me, big time, in the end...]

writing and crying has always been my place to be alone and just feel and throw out what ever i feel... so, this is the way i write, i dont write often, just when i feel down, when i feel like the world is laughing at me, when nobody's care... this is the true feelings out of my strong shell.. my true weak self... that nobody should known of.... that's me, always try to look happy and strong, when im not...
im a weird person.

i dont know what else to say.. i have so much time to spend, i dont want to be doing nothing and feeling down anymore.. i have to get something to do...
then so, i write.

wish me the best.
and i hope i'll heal ASAP :)

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Monday, May 21, 2007Y
our story is no more?

hwahhh....
emank bener yah? our story is no more kah?
terliat gag mungkin, tp ternyata terjadi jg... g msh gak bs nerima! perlakuan super ego..
haha, tp yah mauu gmn lg ><>< style="font-weight: bold;">once i thought that i found my 1st love, he left me...
tragic, isnt it?
satu hal lg yg bikin sakit.. krn dy ninggalin gw demi ce lain kah? ce yg dy bilank dy suka kah? knapa deep down g yakin klo dy gak bakal gituin gw? apa gw yg bodohkah?
humph.. inilah perasaan cewe super desperate yg msh mengharapkan akan harapan... HAHAHHAA....
yah, bilanglah aku ini bodoh.. aku ini gak bisa liat dan terima realita kah?
jatuh cinta itu emank involve 2 orang bodoh yang seolah mabuk...
benar ato tidak? buktikan sendiri :)
itu bener...
sangat.

[will it be the end of this relationship? how come deep down, i still can't really let it go? how come i still missing him? how come i still loving him? is it suppose to be this hard? i feel so stupid & pathetic...]

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Day 1.

By Blogger Mischelle, at 10:11 PM  

Say it here;
Tuesday, May 15, 2007Y

hidup itu tidak adil
kata2 ini udah tertanem di otak sejak dulu, tp entah knapa apapun maknanya masih belum mengena. susah memank menghidupi dunia dimana semuanya terlihat tidak adil. aku juga merasa begitu. kenapa ia begini kenapa aku begini. kenapa semua begitu berbeda dan tidak ada kepusan batin? tidak mengerti. mungkin sifat dasar manusia sirik orang bilank lah dasarnya? apa memank ketidak adilan yang terlalu mencolok? sesuatu yg selalu aku ingini entah mengapa tidak pernah kudapat. keinginan akan keluarga yang bahagia, sesuatu yang sangat dasar dari hidup pun tak bisa. entah berapa banyak sudah kekecewaan yang kualami hanya karena hal se simpel ini. terlihat sangat simpel tapi entah mengapa berpengaruh sangat besar. sakit. aku tahu kalau suatu saat aku harus sadar kalau ini tidak mungkin. kata orang memank tidak ada yang tidak mungkin. namun toh kenyataannya tetap saja ada hal yang tidak mungkin. manusia tumbuh sayap misalnya. tidak mungkin kan? begitu juga hal ini. rasanya harapan yang kumiliki pun pudar seiring waktu. aku tidak tahu harus bgmn lagi. terlalu rumit untuk dipikirkan dan rasanya akupun tak lagi peduli. yah, inikah hidup? hidup tanpa tantangan terlihat terlalu mudah. namun bagi mereka yang bermasalah entah berapa besar mereka mau beri hanya untuk keluar dari hal tersebut. aneh? welcome to LIFE. seperti yang tadi lagi. manusia tidak ada yang puas. sama halnya denganku. tidak munafik. udah berapa kali aku mencoba untuk pura2 tidak ada masalah, pura2 bahagia dan menikmati hidup dengan amat sangat. lama2 toh juga gak tahan. terlalu banyak beban di pundak untuk ditanggung. tumpah semua, orang tak percaya. anak yang begitu ceria memiliki jutaan masalah. aku cape lari dari itu semua. mau lari ke ujung dunia pun juga masalah gak kelar. ahhh tapi udah cape ngurusnya juga. hidup yang aneh. semuanya terlalu tidak adil. sampai kapanpun aku masih tidak terima :) yah. satu2nya jalan hanya dengan melihat masalahku tak seberat masalah orang lain. berbalik lagi, apa yang besar untukku belum tentu untuk orang lain, vice versa. HAHA. tertawa.

[meii dikit lagi jadi emo dee]

kadang suka mikir, does my life worth to be lived?
gak tau juga :)
perlukah aku dilahirkan?
kadang mikir, kalo gak bahagia ngapain lahir? mending gak usah sekalian, kan gak repot :D
rencana Tuhan emank gak ada yang tau.
berharap ini yang terbaik?
semoga.
[AMIN]

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007Y

pada intinya, g cuman bisa bilank kek gini. krn ini masalah relationship. mau gmn pun juga, ini semua keputusan u, kputusan iank gag isa g ganggu. ada dmn mungkin org yg jatuh cinta bikin keputusan yg bodoh, namun mereka bahagia. nah ini dia. keputusan u bisa mungkin mnjadi bodoh atau cerdas di mata g. tapi pilihlah keputusan dmn itu akan bikin u bahagia, bukan supaya diliat orang klo u itu manusia yg cerdas. :)

[wud i wrote 2 mai fren :)]





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